He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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