So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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