dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
