your thong is hanging out like whoa
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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