I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
