I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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