1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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