i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
