if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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