To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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