she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
