It was confusing and full of hummus
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
