They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize