I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
