with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
