She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
