he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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