If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
