I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
