Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
