My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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