he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
