So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
