Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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