Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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