the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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