My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
