what day is it and did you see me today?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
