Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
