He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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