I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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