ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
