She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
