I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
