that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
