So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
cat food counts as protein by the way
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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