I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how does that bad decision feel?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
