# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
