yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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