at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
