I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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