During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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