why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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