Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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