remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
