I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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