just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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