i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize