I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
