i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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