she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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