she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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