On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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