I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
