dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
