I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize