Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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