wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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