while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
