I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you made out with another girl for some wings
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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