it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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