so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
