So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
