dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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