I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
