Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
