Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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