Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
