Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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