Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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