he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
