i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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