She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
