i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
