But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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