whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
