I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
